Happy New Year

Happy New Year to all! The year 2008 was a year of tribulation and triumph for our family. Although we started the year on a tough note...we ended the year with much to celebrate!

Remembering
January 7th of last year, I awoke to find myself hemorrhaging and in unbearable pain. Alone and not wanting to scare the kids, I was able to withstand the pain until my sister could come and get the kids to school and my mom could drive from Worthington. I remember calling Jadee in Oklahoma...full of tears and wishing he was with me. It was a very long three hours before I made it to the clinic, that's for sure. After an exam, blood work, an ultra sound, and a day that felt like never-ending pain I was admitted to the hospital for emergency surgery to remove a pregnancy that had implanted in my fallopian tube (ectopic pregnancy). Wow, I didn't even know I was pregnant...and honestly, I was shocked because we haven't been able to get pregnant on our own since we had Alexis. For some reason or another, I do not develop mature eggs...which also means I do not ovulate. Later that evening, I awoke on the 5th floor of the hospital. This is where labor and delivery is located...and also where the nursery is. I never thought that I would leave that unit of the hospital feeling so empty. That day was one of the saddest, most exhausting days of my life.

The months to come weren't much easier. I spent the next two weeks at home recovering, another 2 weeks regaining my strength, and several months recovering emotionally. It wasn't necessarily the loss that was so difficult, because at that time, it seemed more matter of fact to me. What was difficult was going it through it without my husband and going it alone another 3 months while I worked full-time and took care of Alexis and Logan...not knowing when we would be back together.

Surviving
With much help from friends and family, I did make it the next few months. It was tough and at times, I thought I would rather throw in the towel and run away...but where would I go? Jadee came home late March and started his new job in April. The school year ended and things seemed to be looking up for us. We were a family again. I visited with my doctor in May about starting fertility treatment and thankfully, since my body responds well to a simple treatment, we became pregnant in early June and announced it to our friends and family on July 4th. Unfortunately, at 9.5 weeks I miscarried. Talk about a tidal wave of emotions...some new and some revisited. It became obvious that I hadn't dealt with the first loss and I definitely wasn't prepared to deal with another. I think I was ready to choose flight mode, rather than to be strong and fight. For those of you who know me well, know that I am usually a fighter and not a quitter. I really have to thank my supportive husband for allowing me to push away for awhile...but not so far that I lost hope. In September, my doctor encouraged us to try again right away and to not wait. I admit that I was very hesitant, but something told me that I had to be optimistic. In October, we found out that we were pregnant again. I was excited, but also surprised at how much anxiety I was experiencing. I read in a book about miscarriage that a pregnancy after a loss is often the longest nine months a mom encounters and that it is often filled with much anxiety and stressful anticipation...I agree.

Celebrating
In celebration of 2008, I have much to be thankful for. I am thankful for my wonderful husband and our two lovely children. Although our move to Oklahoma and back to Minnesota was a time of tribulation for us, I would say it ended as more of a triumph. With the poor economy, we could be so much worse off. Thankfully our house sold quickly in Oklahoma and we are back to where we want to be with good jobs and dependable incomes. Our niece was born in February and she has brought much joy to our family. Amanda (my sister) and Nick were married in August and my cousin Ashley married Matt Klein in September. Both weddings were beautiful and it was so much fun to celebrate with them, family, and friends. My dad had an angiogram in mid December due to some health concerns, and thankfully he is doing well. We were able to celebrate the holidays with both sides of our families and are thankful that all are well. We are now 4.5 months pregnant and things are going super great. We will have an ultra sound soon and hope to find out if we are having a boy or a girl.

Looking Ahead
We rang in the New Year celebrating in style with our friends in St. Cloud. New Year's Eve was also Jadee's 31st "golden" birthday! Thanks to Dave and Kristen, we had a wonderful evening. We also celebrated Christmas with the Kubesh side on New Year's Day. It was a good way to start the year.

For 2009, I look forward to another year with my loved ones. Alexis and I will both celebrate birthdays in February...she will turn 8 on the 23rd and I will turn 30 on the 20th. Our niece will also celebrate her very first birthday February 19th. Alexis will make her first communion this spring and participate in her 4th dance recital. Jadee's brother will graduate in May and we will welcome our 3rd child in June. Logan will turn 5 in July, which means he may start kindergarten in the fall (we are still deciding)...and hopefully, I will be on materinity leave until almost this time next year.

Happy New Year! We wish you health and many blessings in 2009!